If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
