I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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