Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
