you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
