this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
