i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
