Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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