I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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