If that was your dad, he is hot
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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