his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
