i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
