i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
