My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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