I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
