everyone is single if you try hard enough
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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