420 ftw
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
