he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
