i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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