thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
