I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
