I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
