What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
