I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
