Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
