I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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