i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
