The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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