Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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