ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
