the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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