My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
