There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
