Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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