forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
