I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
