Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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