So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
