Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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