WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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