I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He has the fingertips of a God
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
