that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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