i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
