Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
