Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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