Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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