u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
