I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
