i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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