There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
