I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
