you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A+ Viking dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
